Today

Good Things Today

I talked with my mom AND grandma on the phone...that's a treat to get both in one day! :)

I organized all of our off size/season clothes in the garage, which is great! When they aren't organized I end up buying clothes that we don't need just because I have no idea where anything is located!

Little L's new thing is doing Karate to get people's attention. She's 11 months and just does it with her hands and voice. I am going to try and get a video of her doing it to show her off. It's hysterical. It kills me every time she does it. I love it.

I have been getting a lot of hugs and I love yous from A since our fun trip to Arkansas. So much fun.

S does a hysterical little dance when we're getting her ready for bed. It makes it impossible not to enjoy bedtime! (Thanks Kelsey!)

My aunt and uncle are coming to visit in 2 weeks! Yipee!!

We get to have lunch with friends from college on Friday! We haven't seen them in ages, so I'm so excited to catch up.

I'm married to Matt. He's awesome. That's the best thing about today.

Actually, the best thing about today is that Matt, who is awesome, leads me in God's grace. And God's grace is incredible today and every day. There is no greater quality I would rather have in a husband than that. I could list tons of things I enjoy about him, but that's the best one so I'll leave it there.

God's Soverignty

I've been having a discussion around here about God appointing leaders. I would love anyone out there who reads my blog to weigh in on this one...

Do you think God appoints each leader of each and every country? Does He choose the right leader and our votes are merely a means for His will to reach it's end?

Do you think God has a candidate in store and in Spirit AND flesh we follow through with His will or we interfere with it by electing someone else? If yes, do you think He works it for good when we choose/vote against His will, or do we endure the bad consequences of not following Him as a nation?

Do you think another way that in my brain dead state right now I am not considering? :)

Salty before Sweet
Being Late before Being Early
Apologizing before Bitterness
Black before White
Mexican food over Chinese food
Late nights over early mornings
Water over Soda
No TV over watching the News
Beach over mountain (hard choice!)
Chocolate over vanilla
Dogs over cats
Mistakes made over missed chances
Chapstick over lipstick
Music over silence
Dancing over any other sport
Cake over pie
Half full over half empty
Sense of humor over sense of style (I'm hurting on both!)
Wheel of Fortune over Jeopardy!
Pro-life over pro-choice
Iced Tea over Soda
Fletch over Pretty Woman
Baked Potato over french fries
Belle over Cinderella!
Big city over small town
The Olympics over The Oscars
Too hot over too cold
Mustard over ketchup
House salad over Caesar salad
Books and movies
Pedicures over manicures
Apples over oranges
Cute cars over big trucks
Trail over treadmill
Summer over winter
Time with girlfriends over time alone
Vacuuming floors over mopping floors
Time with my family over Anything else!

I saw this on several blogs...it seems different each time...so I changed it a little too.

What do you choose?

Good Read

My friend wrote a good post recently that I want to recommend.

Be an Advocate

It is an interesting perspective on our upcoming decision at the polls. I pray that we will all depend on God as we cast our vote.

I love God

For many years I have had tall, thick, strong walls up around my heart. I built these walls out of fear. I knew that if people really knew me they would not love or accept me, so I hid out behind my walls (or inside my turtle shell.)

I have feared rejection, disappointing others, not being good enough, fun enough, or nice enough. I have always felt that I am unworthy of love and acceptance. I have kind of isolated myself emotionally in order to protect myself.

That kind of life is a very sad and lonely life. Over the years friends have broken through the walls and reached me emotionally. When I would have a friend this close to me, I would relax and really be "myself." These friendships never lasted long. From my perspective, soon after being authentic, these friends would see the real me and not like it. Many friendships ended this way, but a handful held on. They proved my theory wrong and loved me despite my flaws...which can be rather ugly at times!

So, I have a handful of people that I feel very accepted by and loved by. I can be myself, bad days and all, and know that these people love me.

These friends have walked with me as I learn to receive from God and relate with Him in a love relationship.

For many years I have said of myself, I have blocked off love from my life. I don't love...I don't receive love including love from God. I believed about myself that I didn't love others or God and that I was incapable of receiving love from anyone. I know, LIES!

What a ridiculous lie, right?! I think so, yet I believed it for almost a decade of my life and let it destroy relationships and rob me from experiencing the love of God and His love through others in my life.

For some reason loving my kids has always been the exception. I didn't understand why, but I was always able to experience and give much love to them.

This Sunday at church, Kyle was leading and we were singing Savior King by Hillsong. We sang (not completely sure of all the words), "I love you, Lord! I worship you. You are our God. You alone are good. You asked your Son, to carry this. The heavy cross our weight of sin. I give my life. To honor thee. The love of Christ. The Savior King!"

As we started to sing that chorus, I thought, "I can't sing this. I don't really love God." I often think this type of thing during worship. I'm standing there analyzing whether or not what I am saying is true. Often it leads me to stop singing and pray. This time I stopped singing for a moment until the Spirit of God worked powerfully in my mind. These are the thoughts he renewed my mind with:

"Of course you love God. The enemy had held you down with that lie for too long. It is time for you to believe the truth about yourself and about me. I am in you and I AM. I am love. I am good. I am everything you need. You love God, because I love. You don't experience this love for God on a daily basis because of the lies you believe about Him and yourself. Enjoy this song, because what is true about you is that YOU LOVE GOD! Enjoy Him. He is worthy of your praise. He is so good and true. He is love. Your old self didn't love. You were not capable of true love. Your new identity Is Love. Live in it-in Him."

So the true thing about me is that I am 100% capable of giving and receiving love with God and with others around me! This lie has held me back for so long and I am now able to experience the freedom and love that has been mine in Christ since I was 7 years old and asked Him to be Lord of my life. Wow, I will never believe that lie again! It has been exposed by the Spirit for what it is and I am so happy to be residing in love now. It's wonderful.

This inability to experience love relationships was all in my mind. It was in my belief systems. Which is why I have always been able to love my kids. In my mind I knew that my kids HAD TO HAVE love from me. I believed that I had to love them-it wasn't a choice. I believed I could, so I did.

Understanding my relationship with love In Christ enables me to love them with the love that they really need and needed all along. The love of God. He is love, He lives in me, and He loves through me. For years, my kids have received love given from me off of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. I knew what I had to do and I did my best in my own strength. Now, they are receiving the real fruit of love from the Tree of Life. God loving them through me and it has made a huge difference in their lives. I can see His love transform them. I can see His love touch them deeply in a way mine never could. I see His faithfulness in my life, in my family and I am so thankful.

I am a being of love! I receive His love and He gives His love through me. It's a beautiful way to live in relationships...He is so beautiful.

And concerning my fear of rejection and belief that I am unlovable...those are fears built on lies. Me believing that my old self has not died. Me living in the truth of my flesh instead of the truth of who He is in me and who I am in Him. I am secure, loved, accepted, and acceptable. His goodness in me is enough. His life in me is more good than I could ever produce. I will live in my new self-the character of God placed in me and given to others through me. I will rest in His goodness-thanking Him that I do not have to produce goodness on my own. His goodness and grace are sufficient for me.

"As you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him." Colossians 2:6

AMEN!

Sword of Truth

We have a dear friend that let us use some of her little girl's clothes for a few months before they make their next stop on her hand-me-down calendar! They are all 4T size, perfect for my middle daughter S. She is 3, but has some LEGS on her! :) She recently grew out of her 3T pants and we didn't have very much 4T stuff...enter my darling friend and her big box of 4T clothes.

Anyway, S has never been a "wanter." She is pretty content with what she has. She sees a big ball at the toy store and says, "I don't need that! I have a ball at home!" On the other hand, my oldest daughter, A, has quite a want worm! I totally understand, because I struggle with a mean want worm myself.

So we were looking through this big box of clothes for S. I could tell that A was struggling watching S try on so many new cute things to wear this fall. She was just digging through the pile searching every tag in hopes of finding a 5, then she just sat watching S try on. On an usual day, this is where we would start to see an emotional meltdown, but this day was different. After a while she looked at me with a very peaceful look on her face and said, "Mommy, we don't really need these clothes. It was so sweet of Ms. Celena to let us use them, but we don't really need them. God is all we need." We talked about it for a little while and then we went about our day.

My heart was so warm and thankful to God for the whole situation, because A had used her sword of Truth in a time of emotional difficulty. She was struggling and feeling upset because her want worm wasn't satisfied. Instead of letting her disapointed feelings control her, she chose to speak the Truth that she knows about God and stuff. The Bible tells us that He is all we need and that He provides all we need. To believe that we need something that we don't have is believing a lie. Wow, that's been a tough one for me for a while now.

I have the opportunity to do that every day. When I face disapointing circumstances, I can wallow in negative emotions, pull my self up by my boot straps and deal, or I can reject lies that God is withholding or untrustworthy and speak the Truth that I know about Him. He is so good and trustworthy and He gives us every good thing as He sees fit. I'm so thankful that He doesn't give in to my shortsighted desires. His will is so much bigger and better than I can even imagine.

Thanks A, for a great lesson. You are such a beautiful child-inside and out. His life through you is so awesome and I have much joy watching Him work in you and through you. I love you!

My Reality

I find that my reality is really not True at all. It is what I am experiencing, but it is amazing that I can experience a reality that is so far from Truth!

"A lie believed as truth will affect your life as if it were true--even though it is a lie."

So if I believe that God is distant and not really concerned with the small details of my life then more than likely that will be a false reality that I experience and think is true...hmmm. There are so many areas in my life where I allow lies to manifest as truth and they affect my life so much!

Today I turn away from the lies I believe and choose to believe the Truth.

That God is close and cares deeply for me...the big and small aspects of me.

I choose to believe that He is good, that He is perfect, faithful, and that He will be the perfect Father and provider for me and my family.

I choose to believe that the gospel story is true and that in Christ I am victorious.

I choose to believe that HE IS MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR ME. He is everything I will ever need and more.

I can rest in His sufficiency and let those Truths create my experienced reality...which results in MUCH JOY!

Fun Night

Tonight we had week 1 of our Be Transformed study at our house. It was so fun to start it again with a new group of brothers and sisters hungry for God! I love it. We talked about The Beginning and saw The Fall from a new perspective. I always love to go through it. The Holy Spirit speaks to me every time.
Tonight I was overwhelmed by how much I have believed the lies of the enemy and how those lies have kept me in bondage. God renewed my mind again with His awesome Truth of who He is, who I am, and what I have in Him.

Tonight while we were putting the kids to bed we were all laying in their room after Matt prayed. I was laying with A on her bed and Matt was laying on the floor with his head on S's bed. I think S was scratching his head, which is probably why he wasn't in a hurry to leave! :) Anyway, we talked a little and we had been laying there quiet for a couple minutes when A said in a very matter of fact voice, "Why is there someone laying on my bed when I have school early in the morning?" Oh my! It struck my funny bone! I busted out laughing and Matt and I slowly peeled ourselves up and left their room. We haven't heard a noise since...haha! The trick to smooth bedtimes is to put them to bed at 10:45 pm???? Well, that's not going to work! :) Tonight we had special circumstances that kept us up late, but we can't do that every night! At least little S had bedtime success for tonight! (She's 3 and has been having lots of trouble.) Her reward in the morning for a good bedtime is an early morning walk down the street in her jammies with a juice box! She is going to come pounding into my room in the morning knowing that she gets to do it and she's going to be PUMPED! Yay for little S!

One thing I have been learning lately is the Holy Spirit's voice. He often puts thoughts in my head and I explain it away and have reasons why it is just me or something. Lately I have been realizing that He speaks to me a lot and I just don't recognize Him until later. Tonight I was headed out with some friends and had the thought/feeling that I really needed to be home tonight at bedtime. I called Matt and asked him to keep the girls up for me until I got home. He got them all ready for bed and then brought them to come pick me up. When we got home, we had the most precious family time and it was so clear to me that it had been His voice suggesting I be home to put the girls to bed. I am thankful that He speaks to me and thankful that I am learning to listen and recognize Him. This is quite a dance with the Holy Spirit!

I love my little family and I love my God. I feel that He is creating in me and desire for Him alone. Not what He has to offer, not for more head knowledge or a better looking life; just Him. To desire and love Him more each day is such a gift of grace. I am thankful.

My Baby Girl

It seems like just yesterday I was swinging baby A in the Nojo Baby Sling six times a day trying to help her get to sleep! As our first baby, she was such an adventure. Now, she is so big! She can fix her own food, get herself dressed, write her name, and today...she learned to tie her own shoes! Oh my, I just can't believe how big she is! She turned five a few weeks ago-it's so hard to believe!

She is so much fun to have as a daughter-I am so thankful that God put her sweet little soul with us.

His Asset

I have had an emotionally exhausting few days! A lot of my "junk" popping up-triggered by circumstances here and there.

Do you ever just feel so tired of dealing with yourself? I feel that way today. Wondering, when will I just be easy? I don't know.

I do know that I choose to submit to the potter. As scripture says, (paraphrased) "who am I to tell the potter, 'make me this way or that?' " He is the potter and I will rest in Him and believe Him when He says He will complete the work He started in me. In the process, I'll enjoy Him as He takes my weaknesses and uses them as His assets. This is an awesome devotional.

God's Precious Assets
Dan Stone
Our humanity is God's asset. If we are meant to function on the human level, which is how God made us, we can't deny our humanity. We don't like things we think and feel, so we want to reject our humanness. But our humanity has to be part of God's plan; otherwise how can we express Him? He has designed us to express Him through our humanity. So denial of our humanity isn't the answer.

God joined to you, one spirit, is absolute, bedrock truth. But as God expresses Himself through you, He expresses Himself through you as spirit, soul, and body. Spirit, soul, and body is the means for the expression. You can't even talk without a body. It's impossible. The total you is involved in speaking your mind, your emotions, your will, your mouth, your vocal cords, etc. We are a total person. We express Him as total people. God says to us, ''I'm going to live in you, and other people are going to see you, but you know it's Me.''

What this tells us is that we can stop seeing ourselves as a liability. We can cease thinking that something more needs to happen to us spiritually before we can be an asset to God. If we keep focusing on ourselves externally, we'll keep thinking, ''He can't use me yet.'' If we focus on Christ living in us, we can put ourselves on the shelf as a liability and begin to see ourselves as an asset.

God takes those things that are fixations in us when we're flesh-centered and turns them into blessings when we're spirit-oriented. What I despised became a blessing in someone else's life. Finally, we are able to say, ''Lord, through my family tree and all of the circumstances I've come through, you've made me the outer person that I am. You live in that person and you set that person in the world in a way that's going to attract some people to You.

Thank God for your humanity. Thank God for your parents even for the difficult things that you inherited from them. God used them to help make you the perfect instrument you are. Thank God for your warts because He's going to make them a blessing in someone else's life. You come to a place of inner peace, knowing that the warts--the imperfections--that constitute your outer humanity are the very things that some brother, sister, boy or girl will be able to get a hold of. They'll be able to relate to that wart. And as they do, they'll receive the Life that lives in you. Take back your humanity as the dwelling place of the Most High God.

Well, Amen to that!
Any thoughts bloggie friends? :)

Hubby's Ministry Blog

God led our family to begin LIFe Ministries almost three years ago and it's been up and running for about two years. I'll include a link below if you want to check out our website...

My super hubby, Matt, posted an incredible poem about fatherhood on the ministry blog today. It touched my heart and I thought all of you dear bloggie friends might want to enjoy it, too!

Lots of Love!

blog-- http://liveinfreedom-ylife.blogspot.com/
web-- http://www.liveinfreedom.org

My Words

I love this site that makes this out of my most common blogger words!

This Weekend

So I actually put the "acceptance with joy" thing into practice this week! Wow, that's a miracle of grace in itself! :)

God has shown me that I am like a turtle. I am a self-preservationist...is that a word? I guess you know what I mean! When danger comes, I immediately retreat into my emotional shell where I feel safe and comfortable. When I don't feel taken care of by God or my loved ones, I go into selfish take care of myself mode. The only problem is that the shell is miserable and constantly looking out for myself is miserable...not to mention disobedient! It isolates me and others and it is destructive to relationships. Can you relate? My husband can't, he is more like a puppy...loyal, loving, forgiving. He doesn't have an instinct to protect himself, he has an instinct to play and love! It's awesome-I love that about him.

Anyway, that is one of my rights I have been holding on to. I so want to retreat whenever I want to and stay there as long as I want to. This weekend, by God's amazing grace and strength, I was able to deny myself the right to retreat. I relinquished my "personal rights" :) and put my husband above myself on several different occasions. It has been wonderful! Living in Christ is so fulfilling! His intentions for us (though sometimes quite painful at first) are wonderful and bring us such full life. You are probably thinking that all of this is a no brainer, right! I know, I should know this put my husband above myself stuff by now. Honestly though, I have been living so deeply in my flesh I have been incapable of living that way. It's not until I surrendered to Christ living His life through me that there was strength enough to make "others first" choices.

The lies that I have believing in this flesh pattern are:

I have the right to protect myself.
No one else is looking out for me-I should look out for myself.
This is just my personality-Matt has to understand that!
God is not trustworthy with my emotional or physical safety.

The Truth is:
I do not need to protect myself. God has taken that yoke from me and I can trust Him with all of me and all of my life. This is not my "new self" in Christ that needs to self-preserve. That is the old Dani that was crucified with Christ on the cross. The new Dani has all of the care and protection needed...In Christ! God is, always has been, and always will be trustworthy with my emotional and physical safety. He does not promise me physical security, but does promise to be with me always and work all things for good in my life. Because of the faith of Christ in me, i will believe that to be true and rest because God is good, God is big, and He is trustworthy!

Thanks to Much Afraid and an amazing God, life gets fuller and fuller around here! Don't our attitudes and beliefs affect our families so much? It's incredible to watch God bless my family by blessing me with a transformed heart!

Acceptance with Joy!

I am reading Hinds Feet in High Places and it's such a good book. The little character, Much Afraid, is on her journey with the Cheif Shepherd to the High Places.

Today she had to go into the desert. She was very upset by it, because the road to the desert looked like it led away from the High Places. The Shepherd talked with her and led her through the desert. They saw three things there:

1. Grain being crushed and ground so that it could be used for the finest bread.

2. A potter's wheel molding a piece of clay.

3. Gold being refined in the fire.

Then she met a little flower growing in the desert whose name was Acceptance with Joy.

God spoke to me very clearly through this section. The clay on the potter's wheel is for the potter's use and will. That kind of surrender-living only in Him completely surrendered to Him is His will for my life. The crushing and refining are for that purpose-to bring me to Him where He makes the "abundant life" an experienced reality for me.

There are still things (rights, comforts, dreams, preferences) that I have been keeping a death-grip on! In the past few days, He has gently opened my hands to release these things into His care. He is trustworthy and has always been so faithful.

I choose now to trust Him with my rights, comforts, dreams and preferences. I choose to trust that His will for my life is to live alive and full and He will accomplish that in my life. Through my circumstances and despite my circumstances He is and will continue to work beautiful things in my life and family!

The Disciple Whom Jesus Loved

I have often times in my life been confused about this description of John in the Bible. It has made me wonder if John was Jesus' favorite and how the other disciples must of felt jealous.

In the past few months, the Holy Spirit has removed the veil on this point and it has really touched my heart.

John wasn't a favorite, John's identity had been transformed. The reference of Jesus loving John has nothing to do with favorites, but has to do with John receiving His great love and attaching it more to his identity than his own name! He no longer saw himself as John, but he was changed to the disciple whom Jesus loved. Wow. So that is true for all of us. Yet I say, I am Dani. Stay at home mom of three and wife of a traveling communicator. I love to dance, I love to read, I love my church, etc.

When my first thought of who I am is "In Christ. A child that He dearly loves," I believe my life will be even more transformed. He is doing this in me, and I am so grateful!

Six Random Things about Me

6 Things - I was Tagged by Celena.

So here are 6 random things about me:

1. I have an 8 month old baby and my body makes an incredible amount of breast milk. So much that I am unable to nurse without taking some sort of medication to slow the factory. I pump instead! My body somehow missed the memo that with each delivery I have delivered only 1 baby! It seems to think that I have 3 at a time!

2. I have experienced a miraculous healing from God. Not a slow recovery sort of thing, but an instantaneous miracle. I lived with an eating disorder for about 6 years. One day in my apartment bedroom I looked in the mirror as a sick child. I saw a distorted image and I was emotionally and mentally sick in my eating, binging, and body image. I fell to my knees and cried out to God for healing. When I rose, I was completely healed. Emotionally and mentally-my eyes saw a completely different figure in the mirror than I had seen 30 minutes earlier. I have had a healthy relationship with food and my body ever since (10 years)! Praise God.

3. I have a love/hate relationship with being a stay-at-home-mom. I love my children and spending time with them. I love being with them as they discover and grow. I love knowing them so well because I spend so much time with them. I enjoy eating with them, playing with them, laughing with them, snuggling with them, teaching them, etc. I just don't like doing it alone all of the time! If I had the money I would pay a nanny to come and be my friend-at-home! I love being alone other times...just not working alone! Go figure. I renew my mind often with the truth that I am not alone. God is with me and I can experience Him during the day at home with my kids!

4. My marriage has gotten so much better in the past 3 years. The one thing we can connect the improvement to is that we both QUIT TRYING! We quit trying to meet each other's needs and quit trying to get the other to meet our own needs. We started believing and experiencing the truth that all of our needs are met in Christ and boy, marriage is good! :)

5. I love to be organized, but I am too much of a scatterbrain to get organized! It's the biggest conflict in my life. :)

6. God provides for our family's financial needs on a month to month basis. My husband quit his job as a youth pastor and started LIFe Ministries about 2 years ago. We have been living on support ever since. At times it is so hard, but it has been revolutionary for my faith. I always believed The Gospel because I felt that I had nothing to lose. Now, I have everything to lose (my family's basic needs!) and God is teaching me to believe and trust because He Is, not because I have nothing to lose! I still tend to get into the mind frame that our supporters provide for us and I become afraid that they will stop and we will not get paid. This has happened a few times (a supporter has stopped giving) and that is when God teaches me that it is Him providing, not our supporters. We have been paid during every pay period for almost 2 years now...why would I stop believing?! Just as He did with Thomas, He has given me all the proof I need to believe His promises always.

TAG YOUR IT! :)

High Heels in High Places
Life's Little Adventures
Days and Times of the Sundbergs
Learning Dependence-My Hubby
Poppyseeds
Simply "Jenn"-sational


Here are the rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post.
5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
6. Let the person who tagged you know your entry is up.

And of course, this is just fun. If you don't have time or just don't want to-no pressure :)

Broken Humans

I love this quote from The Shack:

"Broken humans center their lives around things that seem good to them, but that will neither fill them nor free them."

I am deeply attached to the things in my life that seem good to me. God is gently tearing me away from my good things to show me His good things. I see the light at the end. A life filled with His good which is the only real good. My part is moment by moment surrender to Him and cooperation with His good work.

I will never experience freedom or be satisfied until I look to God and receive His fullness. I am not sure why I continue to go back to the yoke of slavery of looking to others and things for my filling. This is one of those good works that God is doing in me that is rather painful. Allowing all of my "good" things to fail, so that I may receive His goodness and really live.

Alive

Those of us who believe in Jesus Christ for our salvation and life have been made new. The Bible tells us that the old self has died with Christ and we have been raised with Him to walk in Life! That is The Good News to those of us who believe!



"How shall we who died to sin still live in it?" Romans 6:2

"If you have died with Christ to the elementary principles of the world..." Colossians 2:20

"I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me."
Galatians 2:20

Why then do we live much of the time as if our old self is still alive? Do any of you experience this? The same old sins, same old struggles, same old feelings about yourself and God? I frequently experience this and feel so very frustrated about it. Paul experienced this also when he said that he does what he does not want to do, and he does not do what he wants to do...what conflict!!!

Since we are alive with Christ and have His life ready to flow in us and through us, then why is it our stinky old flesh coming out over and over?

One answer that God has revealed to me consistenly throughout my life is this:

My sweet child, I do not work for your glory.

Ouch. I really didn't think I was out for my own glory, but after the Lord revealed this my eyes could finally see. I wanted (in my flesh of course) to be changed for my own glory. I wanted God to make me wise so others would say, "Dani is so wise." I wanted God to make me kind. I wanted to hear from others, "Dani is so sweet and kind. I sure love her." I wanted God to make me intelligent so others would come to me for advice or information. I wanted God to make me the perfect parent so my children would love and appreciate me and others would say, "You are such an awersome mother." I wanted to gain significance from those around me so badly. I was so thirsty for affirmation and value. I wanted it from the world around me. Again...

My sweet child, I do not work for your glory. I will not fix your flesh to make you wonderful to the world. I will break your flesh so the world may see Me through you and glorify your Father in Heaven. Find your self in me alone.

God has been speaking this message to me for over 2 years. Slowly but surely I am beginning to internalize it and accept it. I am thankful that He has not fixed my flesh into something attractive and beautiful to the world, but taught me to deny my flesh and surrender to His life. After all, that is THE PURPOSE for my life. To live in union with Him. His life in me and His life through me in the world.

The significance, worth, value, and affirmation that I need will come from God alone. Only then will I be satisfied with who I am. When I accept that what the world thinks of me is irrelevant. What God thinks of me is everything. He has spoken very clearly in His word that He sees me and loves me. In Christ I am acceptable, significant, valuable, loved, and loveable. In Him I can rest in that fact that I am His treasured child and that is more than ENOUGH!

What a relief. The world never could give enough to satisfy those needs, but God completely fills and satisfies. He is what I need-He is all I need.

As I rest in this truth day by day, moment by moment I see the new self! I see Him living His life through me and what a beautiful thing. He is so good!

Walking Worthy

Colossians 1 tells us to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord. My parents pastor, Rick, spoke of this on Sunday. Who of us is really able to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord? None of us are living sinless lives and not one of us is worthy. He is the only one worthy.

That is why God designed us to receive Him and be full of His life. When we are full of His life, His life will "walk" out of our lives and we will then be capable of walking in a manner worthy of Him. Only with His life in us and through us are we able to complete this instruction.

That is how all of God's Word is designed. It brings us to a place of "I can't" so He can show us how wonderfully HE CAN! It's a beautiful paradox that in all of the instructions, we are not created or intended to carry it out. We have been created to surrender our will, our rights, our striving, our efforts, our abilities, our opinions, our judgments, our praise, our everything to Him and in His love and life He is completely faithful, trustworthy, and good.

One of the hardest areas for me to surrender is the protection of my children. I think deep down I have not trusted God with my kids. I have seen and heard of too many children suffering to let go of my children and trust Him with them.

What He is teaching me is that when I surrender my children to His care, He does not promise me physical protection for them. He promises to hold them, care for them, and to never leave them. So when I let go of them into His loving care, I do that knowing that He will hold them for eternity. That He loves them more than I do, and that He will finish the work He started in them.

It is so incredibly difficult for me, but the pride of thinking I can do a better job is a lie that is destructive for me and my family.

Today I trust that through me and many other avenues, God is with my children. The truth is that He loves them deeply and He will never let them go. He knows how many hairs are on their heads, and when a bunch of them come out with the ponytail, He knows that, too! :) He holds them when they are sad, He whispers truth into their minds, and He knows the plans He has for them. For a great hope and a future. I know He will work all things for their (spiritual) good and lead them into a rich and intimate relationship with Him.

I am not capable of walking in a manner worthy of the Lord, but His life in me and through me is completely capable and sufficient. I lack nothing, for He has filled me. As I continue this journey to surrender, I pray that I will embrace every opportunity He brings me to surrender my will, rights, opinions, desires, comforts, and fears. I choose to rest, trust Him, and enjoy this abundant life He came to give.

Let's enjoy today Christ in us, the hope of glory.

Ministry Post

I posted my first blog on our Y-LIFe Ministry blogspot (http://www.liveinfreedom-ylife.blogspot.com/) if you want to check it out. Matt's been wanting me to post on it for a while, so I finally did it!

We are having a great time in Oregon with Papa and Mimi!