2 Timothy Continued

I realized tonight while driving that I brought up a question in my last blog that I never answered!

2 Timothy 2:15 "Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth."

Question: Does this means that our approval from God is dependent on our behavior?

We answered, "No, our approval from God is based on the finished work of Christ in the Spirit of the believer." However, 2 Timothy is very clear about what works (fruits) will be evident when, as believers, we are walking out a life dependent on the Holy Spirit. This life of faith is a life approved. Our approval from Him is based on our identity, but there may also be "life approval" in which our choices are approved. "For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin." Romans 14:23 When we turn away from the flesh-life (sin) and turn toward the truth of who Jesus is in us and who we are in Him, we are "accurately handling the word of truth" and we are ready for every good work. (2 Timothy 3:17)

I can definitely see that when turned toward my flesh, I am a vessel not ready for the work He has set aside for me. When I choose faith in His sufficiency, I prepare myself for the Holy Spirit's work through me.

Although, there is no amount of approval or love I can earn from God, I am definitely ready to choose the life He has set aside for me. This means a choice to turn my back on the life of flesh and independence I am often tempted by. The choice to turn toward truth isn't always easy. It is a choice to surrender much of what we have held on to and depended on for years.

I am thankful for the grace He pours out on us and the incredible gift of the Holy Spirit that even makes the choice possible.

He's AWESOME.

2 Timothy

We have started our new Post Be Transformed Fellowship Group! On Thursday evenings, anyone who has finished Be Transformed with us is invited to meet and talk through scripture and how the entire Bible speaks to the Truth of Christ's work on the cross and what that means for us here and now.

So far the group has been small, but very rich! We have met twice and I have felt the encouragement of our discussion in the following days/weeks!

On our first Thursday we discussed 2 Timothy 2. Our question about this passage came in verse 15. "Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth."

Question: Does this means that our approval from God is dependent on our behavior? It can certainly sound that way!

As The Holy Spirit was leading our discussion, it started with a look back to 2 Timothy 1 and Ephesians. Timothy is Paul's spiritual son who is pastoring the church in Ephesus. In the book of Ephesians and in 2 Timothy 1, Paul made very clear who we are in Christ as believers and laid the ground work in identity for his later teachings on behavior. He taught that we are new creations, holy and blameless before God. We have been made one with Christ and His nature is our new nature. The power of sin and flesh has been completely defeated and broken and we are now free to walk a victorious life in Christ as He lives His great life through us in this world.

The teaching in 2 Timothy 2 is a practical walking out of those truths. All of us as believers at one time or another have felt the incredible frustration that Paul describes in Romans 7:15 "For that which I am doing, I do not understand for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate." We desire the life of godliness that the Bible teaches, yet our actions show the very opposite. We know more than anyone that we cannot be holy and blameless before God. Our thoughts our sinful, our actions selfish, our entire lives at times feel enslaved to the flesh! I have in the past said, "There must be more to the Christian life than trying and failing, trying and failing, trying and failing." At times it felt like an endless cycle that was destroying me emotionally! The great news is this. There is so much more! Jesus sent the incredible gift of the Holy Spirit to live in us and give us this abundant life beyond our capability!

Ephesians and 2 Timothy have offered great encouragement regarding this issue. 2 Timothy 2:15 again says, "Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, handling accurately the word of truth." In light of Paul's prior teachings, this verse is an encouragement to us to live the life we were created for. To look into the word for the truth of who He is, who we are, and adjust our lives accordingly. That is handling it accurately! We look into the word, read we are saints and united with Christ. A minute later we will turn away, speak a lie to ourselves: "I am a failure. I should be ashamed of myself for these choices I have made. I am so far from Christ and I will never figure this life out." Or maybe it sounds more like, "I will do better next time, so God will bless me and be pleased with me." We have just set our lives according to a lie, instead of to the truth of scripture. However, we have the option to turn around and say, "My behavior is not lining up with the truth of who I am in Christ. The truth is that I have no reason to be ashamed. My sin has been removed from me and I am a new creation. I have every spiritual blessing given to me for a life of godliness. Jesus, I trust you to live your life through me."

As we speak the truth of our identity, 2 Timothy brings to light the life of the Spirit that will be revealed as we walk by faith. We will avoid worldly and empty chatter that leads to further ungodliness. We will refuse foolish and ignorant speculations, we will be kind to all, able to teach. We will be patient when wronged. With gentleness, we will correct those who are in opposition. We will flee from lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace with others who call on the name of the Lord with a pure heart. This literally means that we will turn our backs to our flesh, turn toward the Spirit and take a step in faith. Pursuing righteousness, faith, love and peace is choosing the Holy Spirit and the life that He lives in us and through us. 2 Timothy describes a life that is completely impossible in our strength. We cannot read this and determine in our wills to exhibit these behaviors. It is like tying on fruit to an apple tree! This is THE life that the Holy Spirit will live through a surrendered believer!

His part is the life described above. Our part is faith in His sufficiency as we surrender our flesh, our will, our dreams, our rights, our opinions...no sweat. Ha! :) He will accomplish this work in us and lead us to His abundant life that we cannot achieve. There is no amount of performance that can earn that life. It is a gift given from Him and lived through us BY HIM!

Thank you to our Thursday night group for such an incredible discussion. I think I will read this passage regularly now! It is a beautiful reminder of the Spirit-led life that He has given to us.

This Weekend

So I actually put the "acceptance with joy" thing into practice this week! Wow, that's a miracle of grace in itself! :)

God has shown me that I am like a turtle. I am a self-preservationist...is that a word? I guess you know what I mean! When danger comes, I immediately retreat into my emotional shell where I feel safe and comfortable. When I don't feel taken care of by God or my loved ones, I go into selfish take care of myself mode. The only problem is that the shell is miserable and constantly looking out for myself is miserable...not to mention disobedient! It isolates me and others and it is destructive to relationships. Can you relate? My husband can't, he is more like a puppy...loyal, loving, forgiving. He doesn't have an instinct to protect himself, he has an instinct to play and love! It's awesome-I love that about him.

Anyway, that is one of my rights I have been holding on to. I so want to retreat whenever I want to and stay there as long as I want to. This weekend, by God's amazing grace and strength, I was able to deny myself the right to retreat. I relinquished my "personal rights" :) and put my husband above myself on several different occasions. It has been wonderful! Living in Christ is so fulfilling! His intentions for us (though sometimes quite painful at first) are wonderful and bring us such full life. You are probably thinking that all of this is a no brainer, right! I know, I should know this put my husband above myself stuff by now. Honestly though, I have been living so deeply in my flesh I have been incapable of living that way. It's not until I surrendered to Christ living His life through me that there was strength enough to make "others first" choices.

The lies that I have believing in this flesh pattern are:

I have the right to protect myself.
No one else is looking out for me-I should look out for myself.
This is just my personality-Matt has to understand that!
God is not trustworthy with my emotional or physical safety.

The Truth is:
I do not need to protect myself. God has taken that yoke from me and I can trust Him with all of me and all of my life. This is not my "new self" in Christ that needs to self-preserve. That is the old Dani that was crucified with Christ on the cross. The new Dani has all of the care and protection needed...In Christ! God is, always has been, and always will be trustworthy with my emotional and physical safety. He does not promise me physical security, but does promise to be with me always and work all things for good in my life. Because of the faith of Christ in me, i will believe that to be true and rest because God is good, God is big, and He is trustworthy!

Thanks to Much Afraid and an amazing God, life gets fuller and fuller around here! Don't our attitudes and beliefs affect our families so much? It's incredible to watch God bless my family by blessing me with a transformed heart!

Six Random Things about Me

6 Things - I was Tagged by Celena.

So here are 6 random things about me:

1. I have an 8 month old baby and my body makes an incredible amount of breast milk. So much that I am unable to nurse without taking some sort of medication to slow the factory. I pump instead! My body somehow missed the memo that with each delivery I have delivered only 1 baby! It seems to think that I have 3 at a time!

2. I have experienced a miraculous healing from God. Not a slow recovery sort of thing, but an instantaneous miracle. I lived with an eating disorder for about 6 years. One day in my apartment bedroom I looked in the mirror as a sick child. I saw a distorted image and I was emotionally and mentally sick in my eating, binging, and body image. I fell to my knees and cried out to God for healing. When I rose, I was completely healed. Emotionally and mentally-my eyes saw a completely different figure in the mirror than I had seen 30 minutes earlier. I have had a healthy relationship with food and my body ever since (10 years)! Praise God.

3. I have a love/hate relationship with being a stay-at-home-mom. I love my children and spending time with them. I love being with them as they discover and grow. I love knowing them so well because I spend so much time with them. I enjoy eating with them, playing with them, laughing with them, snuggling with them, teaching them, etc. I just don't like doing it alone all of the time! If I had the money I would pay a nanny to come and be my friend-at-home! I love being alone other times...just not working alone! Go figure. I renew my mind often with the truth that I am not alone. God is with me and I can experience Him during the day at home with my kids!

4. My marriage has gotten so much better in the past 3 years. The one thing we can connect the improvement to is that we both QUIT TRYING! We quit trying to meet each other's needs and quit trying to get the other to meet our own needs. We started believing and experiencing the truth that all of our needs are met in Christ and boy, marriage is good! :)

5. I love to be organized, but I am too much of a scatterbrain to get organized! It's the biggest conflict in my life. :)

6. God provides for our family's financial needs on a month to month basis. My husband quit his job as a youth pastor and started LIFe Ministries about 2 years ago. We have been living on support ever since. At times it is so hard, but it has been revolutionary for my faith. I always believed The Gospel because I felt that I had nothing to lose. Now, I have everything to lose (my family's basic needs!) and God is teaching me to believe and trust because He Is, not because I have nothing to lose! I still tend to get into the mind frame that our supporters provide for us and I become afraid that they will stop and we will not get paid. This has happened a few times (a supporter has stopped giving) and that is when God teaches me that it is Him providing, not our supporters. We have been paid during every pay period for almost 2 years now...why would I stop believing?! Just as He did with Thomas, He has given me all the proof I need to believe His promises always.

TAG YOUR IT! :)

High Heels in High Places
Life's Little Adventures
Days and Times of the Sundbergs
Learning Dependence-My Hubby
Poppyseeds
Simply "Jenn"-sational


Here are the rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post.
5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
6. Let the person who tagged you know your entry is up.

And of course, this is just fun. If you don't have time or just don't want to-no pressure :)

Walking Worthy

Colossians 1 tells us to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord. My parents pastor, Rick, spoke of this on Sunday. Who of us is really able to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord? None of us are living sinless lives and not one of us is worthy. He is the only one worthy.

That is why God designed us to receive Him and be full of His life. When we are full of His life, His life will "walk" out of our lives and we will then be capable of walking in a manner worthy of Him. Only with His life in us and through us are we able to complete this instruction.

That is how all of God's Word is designed. It brings us to a place of "I can't" so He can show us how wonderfully HE CAN! It's a beautiful paradox that in all of the instructions, we are not created or intended to carry it out. We have been created to surrender our will, our rights, our striving, our efforts, our abilities, our opinions, our judgments, our praise, our everything to Him and in His love and life He is completely faithful, trustworthy, and good.

One of the hardest areas for me to surrender is the protection of my children. I think deep down I have not trusted God with my kids. I have seen and heard of too many children suffering to let go of my children and trust Him with them.

What He is teaching me is that when I surrender my children to His care, He does not promise me physical protection for them. He promises to hold them, care for them, and to never leave them. So when I let go of them into His loving care, I do that knowing that He will hold them for eternity. That He loves them more than I do, and that He will finish the work He started in them.

It is so incredibly difficult for me, but the pride of thinking I can do a better job is a lie that is destructive for me and my family.

Today I trust that through me and many other avenues, God is with my children. The truth is that He loves them deeply and He will never let them go. He knows how many hairs are on their heads, and when a bunch of them come out with the ponytail, He knows that, too! :) He holds them when they are sad, He whispers truth into their minds, and He knows the plans He has for them. For a great hope and a future. I know He will work all things for their (spiritual) good and lead them into a rich and intimate relationship with Him.

I am not capable of walking in a manner worthy of the Lord, but His life in me and through me is completely capable and sufficient. I lack nothing, for He has filled me. As I continue this journey to surrender, I pray that I will embrace every opportunity He brings me to surrender my will, rights, opinions, desires, comforts, and fears. I choose to rest, trust Him, and enjoy this abundant life He came to give.

Let's enjoy today Christ in us, the hope of glory.

Parenting: Law or Grace?

God (through others) discipled Matt and I in the Exchanged Life/ChristLife/Abiding Life, etc. message almost 3 years ago. We have since then gained much head knowledge about the theology and have enjoyed the message as it seeps it's way through our hearts and family lives. As much as knowing this new theology has blessed our lives, I have not experienced this dependent life as a reality much at all. I believe it's right and I know it's great. I can see it's transforming impact as the renewing of my mind has had a huge impact on my life and family. I've hit a wall with it though. I have come to a place where the truth of the Exchanged Life message meets my way of living life and I cannot seem to break free from myself in order to come into this life that I know is available in Christ. He has already set me free from myself...it just has not yet become my experienced reality. Maybe because I have such a fierce death grip on my life, my self, my control, and my way.

I have been asking myself how this message will impact my mothering. In light of grace, how do I teach and care for these children that don't seem to ever obey just because they love me?? Reading The Shack today shed some light on that question that has been rolling around in my head for nearly 3 years. It talked about God wanting us to join the circle of the trinity relationship in mutual submission. Being people who will share life with Him and each other. Not slaves that are trained to obey. I believe this is the answer to this parenting question I have been pondering. God intends for our family to be one of great love...His love. When we are rooted in love, then we can as a family share life in grace with each other. We all love our children, so this shouldn't be that hard, right?! WRONG! We all love our children with a very human love. Human love is not enough to make this way of parenting work. His love is the only love grand enough to make a family unit run with out a law.

The only answer is to journey toward surrender of myself. If I hold onto my self-life and try to mother in grace and love, it will fail. My love is not big enough...my love will never quench the yearning my children have in their souls to be loved. They will continue to search and search if that is all I have to offer them. In my self-life I also hold on with great passion to the perceived control that I love so dearly. Through reading the Shack my eyes have been opened to how authoritarian I am. That is such a distorted way to parent and it is not from God. I keep my kids under my law. I want things the way I want them around here and I require obedience to keep everything running smoothly and peacefully. Only, it's a facade. It's not really smooth or peaceful. My children are not offered the love or peace of Christ when it's about my gain or my control.

It boils down to one thing. There is one way to mother in which my kids will reach their maximum potential...that is in Christ. I know that. It makes sense with the rest of the Christ-Life theology. It breaks down greatly when I won't surrender. I end up fluctuating between law, guilt, grace, and confusion. I am afraid of what will happen behavior wise if I do not keep rules...many of which are safety rules! I am afraid of giving up my control and surrendering completely to Christ.

The answer I have come to today is that I cannot be the mother I want to be. I cannot do it in my own strength. The only way to do it is to allow the love of God to run through my being. I cannot love them with that love until I give up. A quote from a Bill Loveless conference keeps coming back to my mind, "Are you done yet?" I know God is asking me that question. He is bringing me to a place in which it is very clear that I cannot mother the girls in the way I know is right and good for them. I cannot be the person I want to be. He can. I believe that He will, but I do not believe that He will fight me for the control. I have to give it up, so that He can give the very best to me and my kids.

When I really think about it, it's not even about parenting. For me it's about living in Christ and the parenting will be taken care of. Instead of focusing on living in Christ, my focus for 5 years now has been on being a great mother. I have just been miserable on and off as I realize the failure I have been. When will I be done trying to be a great mother, so that God through me can be the perfect mother? Let's hope it's soon. I will try to keep blogging about the journey.

OBEDIENCE

Matt posted a while ago on this song that A was learning at preschool...

O-B-E-D-I-E-N-C-E
Obedience is the very best way
To show that you believe.

Do exactly as the Lord commands
Do it joyfully...

That's all I know of it!

Matt really dislikes that song and was disapointed that it is the one she really learned. S even learned it from listening! You should check out his post!

Today I was talking to an awesome friend about the subject of obedience and how to balance living in grace and living obedient lives.

Tonight at our youth Ephesians study at our house, we talked about it more! It's been a theme...

The conclusion that we have come to has to do with the root of the disobedience. If we take the two trees in the Garden of Eden. One being the Tree of Life and the other being the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. The Tree of Life signifies living in complete dependence on God in faith. The other signifies living independently of God in our own self-sufficiency. We develop flesh patterns and rely on our own coping mechanisms instead of the sufficiency of God's grace in us.

My conclusion today was that the act of obedience begins at dependence on Christ and rest in His sufficiency (Tree of Life). As soon as I begin to live in my own flesh and self-sufficiency (other tree) I enter into sin and disobedience. So the actual sin comes before the "sin" that is more recognizable. Example: At home with my kids I am thinking this is a great day and I can be a great mom today. So I enter into disobedience if I am thinking that in my strength I can be a great mom today. The Bible says that apart from Him we can do nothing and that anything done outside of faith is sin. The reacting to my children in a harsh way is a resulting sin from the original sin of living independently from Him. Yet, the sin I choose to address is often the harsh words to the girls. Then begins a cycle of wanting myself and God to "fix" my flesh. God has told me time and time again..."I will not make your flesh attractive. I will not fix your flesh, but I am victorious over your flesh and will live an attractive life through you as you depend and surrender." Rest, dependence, surrender...by His grace I do these things. Living out the Christian life and fulfilling the law...He does these things through me. He takes my heavy burdens and exchanges them for a light one. One of rest and trust in a loving, faithful, trustworthy Daddy. His grace is sufficient for me. I think I'll post that verse on my mirror!

Also, the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil has a good side and can produce fruit that looks good. But, not in complete dependence on God, it is sin. I often eat off of that tree in self-sufficiency and think I am obeying because the fruit looks good...

Blessed Continued

One of the greatest blessings God ever bestowed on me, was one of emotional and mental suffering. God took me through circumstances that brought me to my emotional and mental end. I was at a point where I could not function anymore with a happy word and a smile on my face. I was miserable in my circumstances and everyone around me knew it...and didn't like it! Youth pastor's wives are not supposed to be unhappy! Happiness just comes with being a youth pastor's wife...right?!
Well, I could not fake it any more. I was hurting so deeply and just wanted to give up in every area. These feelings drove me to an angel from God, Gwen Moore, who discipled me in knowing God as my Father and God as my very life. She taught me who I am in Christ and who He is in me. My life has never been the same.
If I would not have hit bottom in the midst of difficult circumstances, I might have worn the fake smile for a lot longer and missed out on moments of the very full life that living in Christ brings.

Survey

my friend put this on her blog and i thought it might be fun to do, you're supposed to answer every ? in one word...if you're up for it, post your responses :)

1. Where is your cell phone? somewhere
2. Your significant other? matt
3. Your hair? up
4. Your mother? cute
5. Your father? goofy
6. Your favorite thing? sunshine
7. Your dream last night? hmmm...
8. Your favorite drink? water
9. Your dream/goal? surrender
10. The room you're in? office
12. Your fear? suffering
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? anywhere
14. Where were you last night? norvells
15. What you're not? shallow
16. Muffins? banana
17. One of your wish list items? mommymobile
18. Where you grew up? portland
19. The last thing you did? bedtime
20. What are you wearing? workout
21. Your TV? reality
22. Your pets? precious
23. Your computer? nonexistent
24. Your life? fun
25. Your mood? good
26. Missing someone? always
27. Your car? DIRTY
28. Something you're not wearing? shoes
29. Favorite Store? target
30. Your summer? HOT
31. Like someone? yea
32. Your favorite color? pink
33. When is the last time you laughed? tonight