One of the greatest blessings God ever bestowed on me, was one of emotional and mental suffering. God took me through circumstances that brought me to my emotional and mental end. I was at a point where I could not function anymore with a happy word and a smile on my face. I was miserable in my circumstances and everyone around me knew it...and didn't like it! Youth pastor's wives are not supposed to be unhappy! Happiness just comes with being a youth pastor's wife...right?!
Well, I could not fake it any more. I was hurting so deeply and just wanted to give up in every area. These feelings drove me to an angel from God, Gwen Moore, who discipled me in knowing God as my Father and God as my very life. She taught me who I am in Christ and who He is in me. My life has never been the same.
If I would not have hit bottom in the midst of difficult circumstances, I might have worn the fake smile for a lot longer and missed out on moments of the very full life that living in Christ brings.
6 years ago
2 comments:
Great thoughts...I just received a devotional via e-mail that goes along with your thoughts. Here's the first part of it,
"A while ago it came on me so strongly that I needed to thank God specifically for things that were more easily issues of complaint or self-pity or even perhaps somewhat ''begrudged'' faith. So I did, thanking the Lord for all the things I felt like I was hating and all the things I wished were different in my life. I thanked the Lord that things were specifically the way they were, including me and all the folks in my world."
It's crazy how things change when our starting point is faith and Jesus instead of our circumstances and self.
What questions this provokes! I agree so much though. One of my greatest blessings was the day that my husband told me he thought he had married the wrong person and that he was considering divorce. This moment in my life caused me deep pain. But it drove me to my knees. That night after Matei left our home and I had no idea if he would ever come back--I literally fell to my knees and cried out to God. Screamed and cried out to the Only one that could Help! And it was a beginning of me turning from a lot of Sin in my life. It was the beginning to the end of a lot of products of sin like bitterness, rage, anger, selfishness, etc. And in the end God did decide to restore my marriage. And I do see that as a blessing. But the pain was the 1st blessing. So blessings---a word maybe misused and misunderstood many times? Lots to think about :)
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