This Weekend

So I actually put the "acceptance with joy" thing into practice this week! Wow, that's a miracle of grace in itself! :)

God has shown me that I am like a turtle. I am a self-preservationist...is that a word? I guess you know what I mean! When danger comes, I immediately retreat into my emotional shell where I feel safe and comfortable. When I don't feel taken care of by God or my loved ones, I go into selfish take care of myself mode. The only problem is that the shell is miserable and constantly looking out for myself is miserable...not to mention disobedient! It isolates me and others and it is destructive to relationships. Can you relate? My husband can't, he is more like a puppy...loyal, loving, forgiving. He doesn't have an instinct to protect himself, he has an instinct to play and love! It's awesome-I love that about him.

Anyway, that is one of my rights I have been holding on to. I so want to retreat whenever I want to and stay there as long as I want to. This weekend, by God's amazing grace and strength, I was able to deny myself the right to retreat. I relinquished my "personal rights" :) and put my husband above myself on several different occasions. It has been wonderful! Living in Christ is so fulfilling! His intentions for us (though sometimes quite painful at first) are wonderful and bring us such full life. You are probably thinking that all of this is a no brainer, right! I know, I should know this put my husband above myself stuff by now. Honestly though, I have been living so deeply in my flesh I have been incapable of living that way. It's not until I surrendered to Christ living His life through me that there was strength enough to make "others first" choices.

The lies that I have believing in this flesh pattern are:

I have the right to protect myself.
No one else is looking out for me-I should look out for myself.
This is just my personality-Matt has to understand that!
God is not trustworthy with my emotional or physical safety.

The Truth is:
I do not need to protect myself. God has taken that yoke from me and I can trust Him with all of me and all of my life. This is not my "new self" in Christ that needs to self-preserve. That is the old Dani that was crucified with Christ on the cross. The new Dani has all of the care and protection needed...In Christ! God is, always has been, and always will be trustworthy with my emotional and physical safety. He does not promise me physical security, but does promise to be with me always and work all things for good in my life. Because of the faith of Christ in me, i will believe that to be true and rest because God is good, God is big, and He is trustworthy!

Thanks to Much Afraid and an amazing God, life gets fuller and fuller around here! Don't our attitudes and beliefs affect our families so much? It's incredible to watch God bless my family by blessing me with a transformed heart!

Acceptance with Joy!

I am reading Hinds Feet in High Places and it's such a good book. The little character, Much Afraid, is on her journey with the Cheif Shepherd to the High Places.

Today she had to go into the desert. She was very upset by it, because the road to the desert looked like it led away from the High Places. The Shepherd talked with her and led her through the desert. They saw three things there:

1. Grain being crushed and ground so that it could be used for the finest bread.

2. A potter's wheel molding a piece of clay.

3. Gold being refined in the fire.

Then she met a little flower growing in the desert whose name was Acceptance with Joy.

God spoke to me very clearly through this section. The clay on the potter's wheel is for the potter's use and will. That kind of surrender-living only in Him completely surrendered to Him is His will for my life. The crushing and refining are for that purpose-to bring me to Him where He makes the "abundant life" an experienced reality for me.

There are still things (rights, comforts, dreams, preferences) that I have been keeping a death-grip on! In the past few days, He has gently opened my hands to release these things into His care. He is trustworthy and has always been so faithful.

I choose now to trust Him with my rights, comforts, dreams and preferences. I choose to trust that His will for my life is to live alive and full and He will accomplish that in my life. Through my circumstances and despite my circumstances He is and will continue to work beautiful things in my life and family!

The Disciple Whom Jesus Loved

I have often times in my life been confused about this description of John in the Bible. It has made me wonder if John was Jesus' favorite and how the other disciples must of felt jealous.

In the past few months, the Holy Spirit has removed the veil on this point and it has really touched my heart.

John wasn't a favorite, John's identity had been transformed. The reference of Jesus loving John has nothing to do with favorites, but has to do with John receiving His great love and attaching it more to his identity than his own name! He no longer saw himself as John, but he was changed to the disciple whom Jesus loved. Wow. So that is true for all of us. Yet I say, I am Dani. Stay at home mom of three and wife of a traveling communicator. I love to dance, I love to read, I love my church, etc.

When my first thought of who I am is "In Christ. A child that He dearly loves," I believe my life will be even more transformed. He is doing this in me, and I am so grateful!

Six Random Things about Me

6 Things - I was Tagged by Celena.

So here are 6 random things about me:

1. I have an 8 month old baby and my body makes an incredible amount of breast milk. So much that I am unable to nurse without taking some sort of medication to slow the factory. I pump instead! My body somehow missed the memo that with each delivery I have delivered only 1 baby! It seems to think that I have 3 at a time!

2. I have experienced a miraculous healing from God. Not a slow recovery sort of thing, but an instantaneous miracle. I lived with an eating disorder for about 6 years. One day in my apartment bedroom I looked in the mirror as a sick child. I saw a distorted image and I was emotionally and mentally sick in my eating, binging, and body image. I fell to my knees and cried out to God for healing. When I rose, I was completely healed. Emotionally and mentally-my eyes saw a completely different figure in the mirror than I had seen 30 minutes earlier. I have had a healthy relationship with food and my body ever since (10 years)! Praise God.

3. I have a love/hate relationship with being a stay-at-home-mom. I love my children and spending time with them. I love being with them as they discover and grow. I love knowing them so well because I spend so much time with them. I enjoy eating with them, playing with them, laughing with them, snuggling with them, teaching them, etc. I just don't like doing it alone all of the time! If I had the money I would pay a nanny to come and be my friend-at-home! I love being alone other times...just not working alone! Go figure. I renew my mind often with the truth that I am not alone. God is with me and I can experience Him during the day at home with my kids!

4. My marriage has gotten so much better in the past 3 years. The one thing we can connect the improvement to is that we both QUIT TRYING! We quit trying to meet each other's needs and quit trying to get the other to meet our own needs. We started believing and experiencing the truth that all of our needs are met in Christ and boy, marriage is good! :)

5. I love to be organized, but I am too much of a scatterbrain to get organized! It's the biggest conflict in my life. :)

6. God provides for our family's financial needs on a month to month basis. My husband quit his job as a youth pastor and started LIFe Ministries about 2 years ago. We have been living on support ever since. At times it is so hard, but it has been revolutionary for my faith. I always believed The Gospel because I felt that I had nothing to lose. Now, I have everything to lose (my family's basic needs!) and God is teaching me to believe and trust because He Is, not because I have nothing to lose! I still tend to get into the mind frame that our supporters provide for us and I become afraid that they will stop and we will not get paid. This has happened a few times (a supporter has stopped giving) and that is when God teaches me that it is Him providing, not our supporters. We have been paid during every pay period for almost 2 years now...why would I stop believing?! Just as He did with Thomas, He has given me all the proof I need to believe His promises always.

TAG YOUR IT! :)

High Heels in High Places
Life's Little Adventures
Days and Times of the Sundbergs
Learning Dependence-My Hubby
Poppyseeds
Simply "Jenn"-sational


Here are the rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post.
5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
6. Let the person who tagged you know your entry is up.

And of course, this is just fun. If you don't have time or just don't want to-no pressure :)

Broken Humans

I love this quote from The Shack:

"Broken humans center their lives around things that seem good to them, but that will neither fill them nor free them."

I am deeply attached to the things in my life that seem good to me. God is gently tearing me away from my good things to show me His good things. I see the light at the end. A life filled with His good which is the only real good. My part is moment by moment surrender to Him and cooperation with His good work.

I will never experience freedom or be satisfied until I look to God and receive His fullness. I am not sure why I continue to go back to the yoke of slavery of looking to others and things for my filling. This is one of those good works that God is doing in me that is rather painful. Allowing all of my "good" things to fail, so that I may receive His goodness and really live.

Alive

Those of us who believe in Jesus Christ for our salvation and life have been made new. The Bible tells us that the old self has died with Christ and we have been raised with Him to walk in Life! That is The Good News to those of us who believe!



"How shall we who died to sin still live in it?" Romans 6:2

"If you have died with Christ to the elementary principles of the world..." Colossians 2:20

"I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me."
Galatians 2:20

Why then do we live much of the time as if our old self is still alive? Do any of you experience this? The same old sins, same old struggles, same old feelings about yourself and God? I frequently experience this and feel so very frustrated about it. Paul experienced this also when he said that he does what he does not want to do, and he does not do what he wants to do...what conflict!!!

Since we are alive with Christ and have His life ready to flow in us and through us, then why is it our stinky old flesh coming out over and over?

One answer that God has revealed to me consistenly throughout my life is this:

My sweet child, I do not work for your glory.

Ouch. I really didn't think I was out for my own glory, but after the Lord revealed this my eyes could finally see. I wanted (in my flesh of course) to be changed for my own glory. I wanted God to make me wise so others would say, "Dani is so wise." I wanted God to make me kind. I wanted to hear from others, "Dani is so sweet and kind. I sure love her." I wanted God to make me intelligent so others would come to me for advice or information. I wanted God to make me the perfect parent so my children would love and appreciate me and others would say, "You are such an awersome mother." I wanted to gain significance from those around me so badly. I was so thirsty for affirmation and value. I wanted it from the world around me. Again...

My sweet child, I do not work for your glory. I will not fix your flesh to make you wonderful to the world. I will break your flesh so the world may see Me through you and glorify your Father in Heaven. Find your self in me alone.

God has been speaking this message to me for over 2 years. Slowly but surely I am beginning to internalize it and accept it. I am thankful that He has not fixed my flesh into something attractive and beautiful to the world, but taught me to deny my flesh and surrender to His life. After all, that is THE PURPOSE for my life. To live in union with Him. His life in me and His life through me in the world.

The significance, worth, value, and affirmation that I need will come from God alone. Only then will I be satisfied with who I am. When I accept that what the world thinks of me is irrelevant. What God thinks of me is everything. He has spoken very clearly in His word that He sees me and loves me. In Christ I am acceptable, significant, valuable, loved, and loveable. In Him I can rest in that fact that I am His treasured child and that is more than ENOUGH!

What a relief. The world never could give enough to satisfy those needs, but God completely fills and satisfies. He is what I need-He is all I need.

As I rest in this truth day by day, moment by moment I see the new self! I see Him living His life through me and what a beautiful thing. He is so good!

Walking Worthy

Colossians 1 tells us to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord. My parents pastor, Rick, spoke of this on Sunday. Who of us is really able to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord? None of us are living sinless lives and not one of us is worthy. He is the only one worthy.

That is why God designed us to receive Him and be full of His life. When we are full of His life, His life will "walk" out of our lives and we will then be capable of walking in a manner worthy of Him. Only with His life in us and through us are we able to complete this instruction.

That is how all of God's Word is designed. It brings us to a place of "I can't" so He can show us how wonderfully HE CAN! It's a beautiful paradox that in all of the instructions, we are not created or intended to carry it out. We have been created to surrender our will, our rights, our striving, our efforts, our abilities, our opinions, our judgments, our praise, our everything to Him and in His love and life He is completely faithful, trustworthy, and good.

One of the hardest areas for me to surrender is the protection of my children. I think deep down I have not trusted God with my kids. I have seen and heard of too many children suffering to let go of my children and trust Him with them.

What He is teaching me is that when I surrender my children to His care, He does not promise me physical protection for them. He promises to hold them, care for them, and to never leave them. So when I let go of them into His loving care, I do that knowing that He will hold them for eternity. That He loves them more than I do, and that He will finish the work He started in them.

It is so incredibly difficult for me, but the pride of thinking I can do a better job is a lie that is destructive for me and my family.

Today I trust that through me and many other avenues, God is with my children. The truth is that He loves them deeply and He will never let them go. He knows how many hairs are on their heads, and when a bunch of them come out with the ponytail, He knows that, too! :) He holds them when they are sad, He whispers truth into their minds, and He knows the plans He has for them. For a great hope and a future. I know He will work all things for their (spiritual) good and lead them into a rich and intimate relationship with Him.

I am not capable of walking in a manner worthy of the Lord, but His life in me and through me is completely capable and sufficient. I lack nothing, for He has filled me. As I continue this journey to surrender, I pray that I will embrace every opportunity He brings me to surrender my will, rights, opinions, desires, comforts, and fears. I choose to rest, trust Him, and enjoy this abundant life He came to give.

Let's enjoy today Christ in us, the hope of glory.

Ministry Post

I posted my first blog on our Y-LIFe Ministry blogspot (http://www.liveinfreedom-ylife.blogspot.com/) if you want to check it out. Matt's been wanting me to post on it for a while, so I finally did it!

We are having a great time in Oregon with Papa and Mimi!