It's Been Too Long!

I can't believe I haven't posted since May!

I am having an awesome semester-filled with ups and downs, but still great!

My oldest child started kindergarten and that has been a roller coaster for the whole family! The first two weeks she was back to temper tantrums like she used to have. Screaming, pounding, etc. It was hard to watch her go through such extreme negative experiences and also hard, because I didn't handle her outbursts like I should have. :( I had an awesome opportunity to minister to her when she needed me the most, but instead I got angry at her chosen device to express her sadness and anger. The awesome thing is that God redeems EVERYTHING! Even my parenting mistakes. I can see how through it all, we have grown closer and had many sweet moments together with God. A is a deeply emotional girl that thrives as she connects with people. Her teacher is somewhat cold and non-connected, so if you think of us, I would love to have your prayers for A's emotions while she is at school. The great thing is, she is getting connected to some of the girls in her class! Yay!

S and L have also started preschool classes on Tuesday and Thursday. They absolutely LOVE their classes and teachers! It's cute. Tonight on our way home from an outing, L was asking for Kakkies (Ms. Kathy) the whole way. She asks for her every day, which is comforting to know that she has such fond feelings for school and her teacher! They sing together a lot in class and do an art project almost every time she is there! It's awesome. S also looks forward to school and wishes she could go every day! :)

I get to be a part of two Be Transformed groups this semester and they have knocked my socks off! I don't think I have ever witnessed God at work in people lives like I have this semester. He is pursuing His children hard and they are responding! It's amazing to watch Him bring Truth and restoration-I love every minute of it!

So, one thing we have talked a lot about is whether as Christians we have one nature-made alive and righteous in Christ at salvation. Or two natures constantly at war within us. Sinful vs. Christ. What do you think? I'll post my opinion on that issue tomorrow...hopefully!

Little Dancer

Sophie had her first dance recital last weekend! She had so much fun, and we LOVED watching her! So cute!

Child, Let It All Go!

Matt bought A and S valentine gifts from a mail order fair trade company. Their necklaces were made by children recovering from a tsunami, and much of the profit from the necklaces goes straight to them as they try to put their lives back together.

Matt told the girls the story of the children making their necklaces, and every night since, the girls have wanted to pray for these children. Tonight while we were reading stories, the subject of these children without houses came up again.

S: "I think we should just let them come live at our ouse, with us!"

Me: "That's a great idea S." While I encouraged this "great idea," inside I didn't really think so. I have my world much too ordered for this. To let homeless children and families come live here would drive me SO far out of my routine comfort zone...

A: "I think we should just let them HAVE our house. For no money. Let's just leave and let them have it."

Me: "That's also a great idea, A." Another idea encouraged that I would move quickly away from in my mind and never really consider.

So, tonight I am wondering. How tightly am I holding my life, my house, my routines. I feel much too poor to give away my house or open it up to others that need shelter...would I even hear the LORD if He ever asked me to do these things?

I wonder if it was the pure voice of the Holy Spirit coming through my children's mouths tonight. It seems like my life is so wrapped up in how I feel, what I want, what we need, bedtimes, and money limitations.

In the past few weeks God has had me on a crash course to learning dependence and surrender in the midst of tough relationships. An emotional surrender. Now I am wondering, is He also leading me to dependence and surrender of my physical life as well? A physical surrender? Both are painful and scary in different ways, but both end in living a life full of unimaginable joy. The more He leads me to surrender things I never thought I could, the more deep fulfilling joy I experience.

I see Him in His great grace attacking two powerful strongholds in my life. 1. My need for the approval and recognition of others. By His grace, I am learning to receive my value and significance in Him alone. 2. My want worm. The more He breaks me away from these strongholds, the more of this amazing life I see, feel, and experience.

I look forward to the work He continues to do in me and I am so grateful for the work He has already done. Five years ago I would never have believed I could be this full with joy and that I really could be satisfied in the Lord. He works all things for good and is so faithful to finish the work He starts in us!

I hear Him saying to me, "Child, let it all go. Release your needs to Me instead of spending your life trying to get each one met. I am trustworthy with evey need. I am faithful to every promise. I am a strong shelter for your soul. I am all the love and acceptance you need in every moment. I AM. I AM enough for your every need to be overwhelmingly satisfied...and I love you. Trust me and let it all go!"

I will. "I will" is a tough response when we're talking about acceptance, our house, our cars, our life, our hopes, our dreams, our children...

I will trust you with it all, because you are I AM.

L Bear

Our little L Bear is 14 months old-oh my, that has to be one of the most fun ages of all! I love it! She is starting to explore her legs thinking they might be able to jump someday. She looks in the mirror, screams, and then laughs. She loves her screaming face! Ha! She passionately calls Matt, "Mama!" She has a new affectionate term for me: Mommy-a. She hugs and kisses all of us spontaneously. She runs to the refrigerator when we ask her if she wants her milk. Oh, the list goes on and on.

One of my favorite things recently is her love of wearing her socks on her hands. Not just any socks. The red polka dot socks. She finds them in the laundry basket and brings them to me to put on her hands. Then she wears them until we have to take one off for her to eat or take a bath! Haha. So cute. Motherhood is so entertaining! I love it.

Ballet Magnificat!

A and I went to the Ballet Magnificat! last night in Waco. It was an authentic time of worship for the dancers, which was such a treat for us.

About halfway into the show, A said, "Look Mommy! They are praising God with their hands, their bodies, AND their feet!" She was thrilled to see the girls "dancing to God." Oh, it makes my heart flip just to remember it!

If you ever get the chance to go to a Ballet Magnificat! I highly recommend it! They are really good dancers and it's moving to be a part of their worship.

www.balletmagnificat.com

Fuzzy Faces

I LOVE having little ones and spending a lot of time with them. Much of the time it is super hard and I fail miserably at it, but it is also so fun!

Today I was tucking in the girls for nap. I gave S her hugs and kisses and we had a funny little talk.

"Mommy, I love your hugs."
"Thank you! I love your hugs, too."
"I love your mouth. And your cheeks."
"Thank you S."
"You don't have fuzzy on your mouth and your cheeks. Daddy has fuzzy on his mouth and his cheeks. God doesn't make fuzzy on mommy faces. He only makes fuzzy on daddy faces. Hmm."

S doesn't like it when I laught at her serious thoughts. It was everything I could do to hold my giggles until I left the room!

I am so thankful to have the work of the Holy Spirit take me over for a couple of weeks. (See previous blog. :-)) For the past couple days I have been cycling back into my "old self behavior." Irritated with kids, insecure around people, etc. Bottom line, self-centered. I am headed to go talk to God about all of it. I just wanted to record S's cuteness before I forgot!

New Life

The love of Christ has taken over my heart. Where I once felt my flesh urge to crticize, I now feel the Spirits full love. Where I once rejected to keep my heart safe, I now feel the Spirits full acceptance of me and others.

The love of Christ has taken over my eyes. Where I once saw imperfection, I now see precious beauty.

I love of Christ has taken over my thoughts. Where I once thought constantly about how I looked or what people thought, I now think of others with love and prayer.

The love of Christ has taken over my mind. Where I once feared, I now love.

I am moment by moment experiencing the life of Christ through me for the first time in my life. I am still experiencing flesh at times, but have spent much of my time in the past two weeks abiding in Him.

By His Grace at His perfect time, He has brought me here. To a moment by moment experience of His life and His love.

The Bible says in John that Jesus came to give life and give it abundantly. I seriously wondered if I would ever get past my flesh enough to experience that life He talks about. The answer was, no, I could not get past my flesh. He could, He can, He did and He will! Not in my time, but in His perfect time.

After nearly 6 months of brokenness, He has brought me of glimpse of what it is to live life In Him. I am thrilled to continue this life In Him as He breaks my soul ties with my flesh and brings me into this incredible Life filled with indescribable joy.

What a Hubby

My hubby spent the morning with my two younger daughters. When I walked in the door after picking up our oldest from pre-school, I found S happily married.

"I'm married with Daddy, this is our baby (L), and this is our real kid (cabbage patch)."

This is one thing I love about Matt. He plays house with the girls whenever they want! Here are some others:

1. He's such a good man that his daughters get excited to be pretend married to him.
2. He would rather go on a date with me than watch his favorite show. (No DVR or Tevo here!)
3. He does the dishes.
4. He loves God and it shows.
5. He has taught 2 out of 3 of our babies to sleep through the night by staying up all night with them for over a week.
6. He disciples our daughters in living life in Christ.
7. He likes to spend time with us and spends a lot of time with us.
8. He is good at his job.
9. He leads our home spiritually.
10. He often cooks dinner.
11. He seems to enjoy spending money on me. :) It's really sweet.
12. He doesn't get mad at me when we're sleeping on couches because I have covered our bed with laundry and haven't folded by bedtime (about 12am).
13. He is handsome.
14. He is kind.
15. He is never critical.
16. He is loving.
17. He is patient.
18. He surrenders to God's lead in his life, which is the best way of taking care of us.
19. He listens to me.
20. He's lots of fun to be around.

I think I could continue on this list all day, but I have a baby crying! Thanks for being so great Matt, I love you!