Absent

I had coffee with a dear friend tonight and came home excited to continue on in my faith walk with God. Over the past two years I have been on a faith crash course with God. He has taught me deep lessons of faith in Him as provider. He has shown Himself to be so real, to be present, and completely faithful. He has taught me that He gives me every good thing. So I can trust that if I don't have it right now, then it is not good for me right now. I have finally, by His grace, learned to trust and believe in His decisions for what is good for me and enjoy His continuing faithfulness. I know that I am still on this faith crash course and that He has much more learning in store for me, but I also feel that He has done much transformation.

Tonight as I talked with Jodi, He showed me something new for my faith walk. He has led me to faith in the area of financial provision and has done a major work in me. I feel that I have surrendered many of the things I was holding onto when it comes to materialism and my want worm. (The want worm is still very much there, but He has shown me how to resist it by believing truth and speaking truth.) But there is something that I have been holding very tightly. I have held on when I needed to surrender. I have claimed rights that aren't mine to claim. I have wanted and wanted without speaking truth and trusting His provisions. The new area He revealed to me is MY MARRIAGE!

I have an amazing husband, but I have to admit that I have been wanting and wanting and wanting from Matt since the day we married. I have been wanting him to meet my emotional needs, treat me with tenderness, to help me around the house, etc. etc. etc. I have refused to surrender my want worm when it comes to wanting from my husband. Tonight the Lord graciously showed me that I can trust Him as provider for my emotional needs just like I can trust Him for my physical/financial needs. He is The Giver of everything I need. I can release Matt from all of my wants and expectations and let him walk freely with God. I can live in our relationship in fullness no matter what behavior Matt chooses. I am full in Christ. That is the truth about me. God is enough and God will provide for every emotional, physical, and spiritual need. I believe that He is providing, but I have been refusing the receiving.

So, tonight, I surrender my right to want from my husband. I know that when I am living in Christ and experiencing His fullness I will become a giver in my marriage instead of a taker. I know that God has provided for every emotional need and as I learn to surrender my rights and dreams, I will begin to experience His amazing provision. Life in Him is so full and satisfying. He meets every need with such abundance. He has shown us His faithfullness in our finances, now I look forward to experiencing more of His faithfulness in my marriage.